Life Changing Decisions

Almost exactly two years ago I made a life changing decision.  At over 16 stone and desperately unfit, I finally decided to do something about it.  The first step was joining a gym - which was relatively easy - and the second step was attending regularly, which I surprised most people and actually did.  While I had a specific routine and thought I knew what I was doing, the immediate results of the first two to three weeks soon tailed off and it became a little more challenging.  I needed a bit of help, and a lot of guidance.

But joining the gym wasn't what changed my life: persuading my family to ditch any ideas of birthday presents and instead contribute to a 12 week program with a personal trainer is what changed my life.  It was no accident that I ended up with Barry Marsh.  I’d seen him around the gym and he struck me as the man for the job for two reasons: firstly he was a similar height and build to myself and I thought would relate to my aims; and secondly he was a mean looking individual who I felt would really push me to get the results I needed.  And he did. 

I had never, ever, pushed myself to the extent that he pushed me.  I would not have thought it possible to put myself through the amount and intensity that he managed to get out of me in an hour.  I would arrive at the gym at 7am on a Monday morning and for the next hour work as hard as I could to prove to him that I could do it.  And every week I would leave him at 8am soaked with sweat and struggling to manage the stairs back to the changing rooms. Every week I made a vow to myself that I would be better prepared next time.  I would work three sessions in between and push myself to the same extent that he pushed me – just so that next Monday I’d be better placed to cope.  And I did.  But I wasn’t.  Because the fitter I got the harder he pushed. 

By the end of week 12 I had lost 35lbs and 25% of my body fat.  I dropped from a size 38” trousers to 32”/34”.  The transformation was incredible.  He had delivered what he said he would because I did what I said I would.

But the point of this is not about the physical changes, the point of this is the mental transformation.  The point is that Barry showed me what it was really like to work hard.  What it really meant to push yourself to places you really didn’t think you could.  The most important lesson I learned was this:  When you’re in the middle of a training session, when you’re at that point when you’re really hurting but you’ve got another half hour to go, when the physical pain is matched only by the mental torment of ‘I can’t go on’ versus ‘I will not quit’ - it’s at that point that you really find out who you are.  There was once or twice when I was training on my own between ‘Barry-sessions’ where I allowed the ‘I can’t go on’ to beat the ‘I will not quit’.  I took my foot off the gas.  I allowed myself a breather. I cranked down the gradient on the running machine, reduced the reps on the weights or shortened the sprints on the rower. And the satisfaction of that little breather was welcome relief.  It felt great, it really did.  And no-one knew.  No-one was watching and no-one was counting.  But – and it’s a big but – at the end of the session, when I reflected on the last hour, I would cringe.  I would look back and think: I could have worked harder; I could have pushed myself more.  And it’s at that point that you realise that there’s nothing that stings quite so much as the disappointment of knowing you’ve let yourself down.

So why is this relevant?  The EuroChampsChallenge has delivered everything we ever hoped it would. We’ve already raised £35,000 and have managed to publicise the event across all aspects of the media.  We’ve got all but two of the clubs on-side and we’ve got a fantastic group of events around the main tour which are proving to be both popular and financially rewarding.  We’ve got four high-profile Ambassadors that are adding value, and the feedback and the support we’ve received has been so far beyond expectation that not even the gulf between East Lothian and Bucharest could ably demonstrate it. 

But it’s not been easy.  With so much going on it takes all the time available and more.  Every night is spent sending emails, co-ordinating communication and managing logistics.  We’ve got a media plan that needs implemented, a 7000 mile journey to sort and 21 of the world’s biggest football clubs to keep informed.  We’ve got to keep our sponsors updated whilst trying to find new ones.  We’ve got 350 kids coming to a Festival of Football and plans to get a similar amount of adults to a fundraising dinner.  There is so much to do that I struggle to remember at times. 

Right now, I’m in the middle of a training session.  I know how much needs done and I know how long is left.  I know how much time, effort and resource is required to get us to where we want to go.  I also know that I could take my foot off the gas and no-one would really notice.  I know that I could ‘just leave that until tomorrow’ and not quite deliver everything that we know we can.  But I also know that if I do this, then the disappointment of not allowing the EuroChampsChallenge to reach its potential will live with me far longer than the sense of achievement for what we might manage.  And right now it’s the fear of disappointment which drives me more than the anticipation of achievement.

In the words of Eric Cantona: “I play to fight the fear of losing”